Printing Nighmtares That Will Chill Your Bones

Do you have your costume ready? Know what spooky flicks to watch? Pumpkins carved?

If you still need some Halloween inspiration, look no further than one of the great scares of modern offices: the printer. Any printing device can be as intimidating as a poltergeist, draining as a vampire, and unresponsive as a zombie.

I’m sure you’ve been a scream queen in your life when encountering printer issues.

Let’s relive some of the worst printer nightmares, but knowing that unlike your average slasher movie, there is a happy ending to each one if we take control of the narrative.

The Printer Exorcist

Like the tragic protagonists from The Exorcist or The Exorcism of Emily Rose, it seems your printer has been possessed by nefarious entities. Why does your device keep breaking down at the worst time? Why won’t it sync with the Wi-Fi or print in the wrong format? Why do printer supply costs keep rising like a levitating demon-possessed girl?

These issues may seem supernatural, but there are logical reasons behind them. Here are some:

Two-thirds of businesses don’t track printing expenses

Many offices don’t have a print policy in order

Unlike other electronics, printers are often not maintained regularly

When you add to these facts the reality that printer costs are just below that of rent, payroll, and office utilities, it really does seem like diabolical forces have infiltrated your printing environment.

The happy ending:

You could start with the holy water that is our office printing policy. To fully purify your office, a sensible managed print services can turn your printers into angels. Research shows that managed print services can reduce business printer costs by 20-30 percent, as well as potentially improve document security and office sustainability. There’s nothing wrong with putting the souls of your printers in the hands of a printing exorcist. In our case, we don’t even charge you anything except for toner and ink.

The Ring-Screen

The film The Ring is about a ghoul-girl that crawls out of television screens to wreak havoc on the lives of people.

Many people relate to this movie when they stare at their printer or copier screen. They might tell themselves: What does the “error” code mean this time? What do you mean I’m almost out of toner when I have a massive report due in a few minutes? Why does it say ‘pages printed’ when there’s nothing on the tray?

What potentially happens to you after these missives from the printer screen?

Unlike the movie Alien that says, “no one can hear you scream in space,” everyone will hear you scream in the printing room…

The happy ending:

Knowledge is what defeats the ghoul-girl in The Ring. If you know exactly what’s happening inside your printer, you don’t have to scream in the printing room. Beyond managed print services, a solution like printer monitoring safely and securely keeps tabs on printers – relaying data to a printer expert who can telegraph issues and stock printer products proactively. It’s almost like magic, except it’s just your office being caught up with technology!

The Frankenstein Copier

It’s Godzilla; it’s King Kong…no, it’s that copier in your office that takes up more space than the Blob. But you need this monster, right? How else can you print, scan, or copy for the entire office?

Keep this in mind: the typical cost of a 40 page-per-minute digital copier that copies, prints, scans, and faxes is around £6000. A printer with similar capabilities can save you up to 75 percent. And you don’t have to take an Uber around the machine while crossing your office.

The Happy Ending:

That depends on what you’re looking for. If you are printing more than 10,000 sheets per month, you probably require a Frankenstein Copier. But anything fewer might mean it’s time to find a smaller printing device.

The Printing Doomsday

Most of us enjoy a good disaster flick. Aliens, zombies, or lab-invented monsters arrive to punish the planet, or something like that.

In real life, though, a printer can be a massive destroyer of sustainability. Just look at these statistics:

Every year more than 375 million empty printer cartridges end up in landfills.

An average worker prints 10,000 sheets per year (and it takes one tree to produce 9,000 printer pages)

Paper consumption worldwide has tripled over the last 30 years

That’s bad, like Independence Day-bad — but without Will Smith.

The Happy Ending:

To easily increase your green footprint, read our article Top 10 Eco-Friendly Printing Practices For Your Office or download our free eBook, The Green Office Printing Guide. You don’t even need Will Smith.

The Printer Thing

The last printer you bought seemed like the perfect match for your office or even home. It was supposed to be a harmonious part of daily workflow.

Then the printer turned into a horrible creature, much like the villain in John Carpenter’s The Thing. The device does more damage than good, draining resources and breaking down at the wrong time. What happened?

It wasn’t because of an alien invasion or sentient virus. In fact, the machine is just fine. You just acquired the wrong printer for your needs, and this sadly happens often with many businesses.

The Happy Ending:

The next time you buy a printer or copier, do some homework to find the right fit for your printing demands. 

The Doc Slasher

Sometimes it feels like someone or something is mysteriously picking off data from your projects, one by one. What is killing your office privacy like a serial killer?

The culprit is a combination of employees and printers.

As we have revealed, 32 percent of print security occurrences are caused by internal users (not surprising since 80 percent of business information exists in hard copy). It’s tragically common that workers are careless with payroll figures, bank statements, financial reports, employee records, or other sensitive data.

The happy ending:

We have an eBook for that, too: 5 Hard Copy Data Security Risk in Every Office. Stop the killing of your privacy, ideas, and other key data right now.

We hope you’re not trembling at these printer nightmares. Instead, you’re creating many happy endings for your printing experience. If you still feel a little nervous, please contact us for any solution to turning your printer tricks into printer treats.